Five Principles to Building a Godly and Healthy Relationship during Courtship.
Our mentorship focus for October 2021 is, ‘Building a Godly and Healthy Relationship during courtship. Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they determine their compatibility for marriage and if it is God’s will for them to marry each other.
Growing up as a young lady, I witnessed a courtship experience of a family friend that was not so pleasant. The young lady was known to everyone in the family and he had been formally introduced to her family as well. They were in a courtship relationship. However, the courtship lasted for eight years. Along the line, the young man broke up the relationship and said she wasn’t the right one for him. Shortly after this, he got married to someone else. It was a terrible experience for the young lady. She was emotionally drained and bitter.
Some of the questions that went through my mind back then were, why did it take him so long to recognize that she wasn’t the right one for him? Why did he lead her on for eight years? People often say that a broken engagement is better than a failed marriage. True, however, a broken engagement with emotional entanglements can cause a lot of heartache, drama, and trauma.
To avoid drama and trauma in a relationship during courtship, let’s look at Five Principles to Building a Godly and Healthy Relationship during Courtship;
- Wait until you are ready for commitment before entering into a serious relationship or courtship.
There are lots of issues to deal with in a serious relationship or courtship. Getting into it when one is not ready for commitment is selfish behavior and is best avoided. God’s love should be at the foundation of any relationship with the opposite sex. This brings up the question of motive. Why are you in that relationship? An honest answer to this question will ensure that we don’t end up hurting ourselves, hurting others, and sinning against God. Readiness for commitment will also ensure that the courtship period is not excessively long and protracted.
- Trust God’s Timing
Trust God’s timing and leading. To discover true joy, peace, and genuine friendship, stop seeing the opposite sex as a potential husband or wife. Discover the richness of true friendship in Christ. Stop worrying about whom you will marry and trust God for his guidance.
- A healthy relationship should begin at the spiritual and intellectual levels.
This is the level of shared purpose, motivation, interests, dreams, and understanding personality. Young people today face great temptation and are under tremendous pressure from every quarter to jump to the physical in a relationship. The media and the entertainment industry and lots of other circles encourage this. Physical attraction leads to deep emotional involvement and the couple hasn’t even had a chance to find out whether or not they share similar interests, dreams, or views about life. By the time these things come out and they begin to discover that they are not on similar levels spiritually or intellectually, it is too late. They are already emotionally entangled, making it difficult to break off the relationship. Too often they simply forge ahead with their emotional connection, resulting in frustrated and unfulfilled life dreams.
- Have a good understanding of God’s standards for relationships.
You need to learn or work out a clear set of guidelines for behavior based on God’s word. This requires a certain level of spiritual maturity. Waiting until you are in a relationship to decide what is right or wrong or what you will or will not do is too late. Unless you settle these matters in your heart and mind beforehand, you will have little protection against temptation and could easily go far. There are only two choices: either you will follow God’s standards by deliberate choice or you will follow the world’s standards by default. Unless you plan ahead to keep yourself pure in a relationship, you probably won’t. There is no room for indecision.
- Resolve in your heart that you will not lower or compromise these standards for any reason, even if it means losing a relationship.
Many people are willing to compromise moral or Godly standards in order to secure a relationship. This is immature behavior and will cause a lot of problems. Standing firm on what you believe is a sign of both spiritual and emotional maturity. There are no second-class areas of life to God. He wants your best. He wants you to obey him, follow his word and stand firmly on his standards. Anything less and you cannot expect to receive his best.
Paying close attention to these principles will help ensure a healthy and fulfilling relationship during courtship for both parties. If along the line, you discover that your dreams, interest, and purpose do not align, then such relationships can be broken without emotional entanglements and hurts.
A healthy foundation is vital in a relationship, as habits and attitudes established during courtship generally carry over into marriage.
Stay blessed.
© Nkese Umofia
Photo: Alex Iby
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